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UnBoxing: Ipsy February

Mixed Emotions

Not Sure How to Feel...

How would you feel if your mom came to you one day and told you after 18 years that you had another sibling? That after your younger sister she had another child but she gave that child up for adoption? And now that the child that she gave up wants to meet you, your sister and your mom? Well when my mom first told me I couldn't believe it, I thought she was playing some kind of joke on me or something. It still in a way hasn't set in as reality yet. I have so many questions and then none all at the same time. I was upset at first because I couldn't help but think about how she might feel knowing that my mom kept my sister and I and gave her up... 

Yes the situation that my mom was in during that time wasn't ideal but how could you not keep a child that grew inside of you for 9 months and just give her up? How could you do that and keep the other 2 daughters you had? Why wouldn't you want to keep her and allow her to grow up with bigger sisters who would have done anything to make each other smile as my sister that I grew up with did all of the time. My sister is my best friend and has always been the one person that I knew I could go to in my saddest moments and I knew that she wouldn't judge but just listen. We could have been there for our younger sister and we could have all grown up to be best friends. But after 18 years we are barely going to meet each other. 

I know it might be mean or selfish but I don't really know if I want to meet her. Sad yes but I would feel horrible going to meet her for the first time with my sister and feel like I can't be the same way with my sister that I grew up with because I wouldn't want to make her feel bad that we didn't have the same connection. But on the other had what if we go to meet her and her family and instantaneously we bonded and just knew that although we were meeting for the first time we would always have the bond that my sister and I had growing up but now instead of just 2 of us it was 3. I really do want to be excited about all of this but for some reason I can't. 

We aren't going to meet her for another 2 months, and we are going out to Arizona to where her family lives to do so. I keep telling myself write her a message and try connecting with her before you go to meet her. But then I stop myself and tell myself "no, just wait for her to talk to you. She will reach out to you when she is ready." I can't even imagine what she feels, I just want her to know that she can ask me anything she needs or wants to. I am willing to talk to her if she wants, and I am willing to have a relationship with her if she feels like she wants to have one. But at the same time I feel the opposite. I hate not knowing how to feel in a situation because it is so confusing. 

I guess all I can do is leave it in God's hands and it will all fall into place when the time is right.

Where to begin?

Hey everyone, I'm Rebecca, but most people call me Becky. Like my bio say's I am 22 and live in beautiful Southern California. I am the oldest of 3 brothers and 2 sisters. Sometimes it can get frustrating having to always set the example, but at the end of the day it's the best feeling when my brothers attack me with their hugs. I have an amazing mom and step dad who at times drive me insane, but I wouldn't change them for the world. 

 These cuties in this picture are my brothers, ages 10 and 3. Crazy I know, but they are the sweetest little boys in the world. Yes there is 1 brother missing, he would be 21 years old, but unfortunately he passed away when he was a few months old. Now I was not old enough to remember who he was but that doesn't mean there isn't a day that goes by I don't wonder what our lives would be like if he was still with us. And the beautiful lady in the picture below is my sister who is 20 years old. I miss her crazy butt like crazy since she moved to Arizona for school, but our relationship is much better since she's been away. And I know that there is 1 sister missing, and that is because I didn't know until recently that I had another sister. She is 18 years old now and lives in Arizona as well. Crazy!!! 

Life has been hectic lately and sometimes I don't know how to react to all that happens, but knowing that I have the love and support of my family by my side helps me get through it all. When I found out about my other sister I didn't know what to feel or how to react, but then I realized that I should not be upset but instead happy. Happy because if she chooses that she wants a relationship with my sister and I after she meets us, then that is more family to love and support.